trust (I am )

alone with your subconscious, alone is complete. it’s the daily news in full empty print. a table of cigarettes, and the more I looked for one specific pack the more alternatives I found. and the one pack I found that was my pattern, my brand, inside only one half smoked cigarette remained. I’m not sure that I was the one to light it. I didn’t know where it came from, or more directly, where it had been. I didn't light any of those, I didn’t know where I was..

actually, I remember the vastness of the room. I remember feeling the same fear, projecting the same blame.. and it was open and smooth that floor. and the calm and trust I felt, I didn’t need for anything. when I woke I felt something new, and I want to stay disciplined. I rolled over to pray for the love and know that whatever that was, that lust and need to protect, I prayed that it grow. without a projection. without another moment of self violation.

so many times in the past I have turned the page figuratively, but have returned to read those words again and again. and now that this life has afforded us an opportunity to finally plant seeds over the raw bare parts, it appears the page is torn out, a shared condemnation. to read those pages again is the scorn of a skewed memory. bad feelings don’t last, although there are things that can happen that would allow that fire. whatever this is, I’m experiencing it alone, alone here with…