trading heroes for old men

If there is something I want to know I need only ask. I guess I’m going to have to learn to work with others again. Truthfully I don’t mind, but what is the point? Creating intimate moments with someone that genuinely cares for you while building a future together? that’s the graphic reality of everyone’s dreams.. But for me, that narcissist really punched a hole in my illusion. Not to me but for me .. and now

The torn curtain of my ego .. my beginning. what makes me so challenged by the idea of trusting someone untrustworthy? Ok why is it so easy to predict the gaslight? Harder questions.. how low was I when I attracted all this? I remember, and I wanted to feel less ashamed about losing everything that way. I wanted to be a good guy. Just like they always said I was. I should have just faced up the crime instead of writing past it. I took all that and threw it up into the sky, tossed it like hay. See this is generational.. the breaking away. The return to power. Ego is necessary. What are we without the stem cells of identity and self love.. the raunchy, feel the weight in my hand zero net sum gain of the ego in transport. Running with smiles, jumping with laughter. The invincible feeling of young masculinity. This is not the darker half. It just does darker things. It does not carry thoughts as much as knees and kicks. In the world of knees and kicks ego is necessary. yet I’ll admit,