non-negotiable

Sobriety today is like being released from a contract. I didn’t truly intend to feel this good, but the self is remarkable in it’s knowing. The self is both femme and masculine, both higher and shadow, and all that hodge podge of deliberate being deserves attention. I can be intentional attending to myself. and here I am, in this house, and I don’t owe any of myself to anyone else. I am keeping me and sending out love. I don’t really feel as if I am in love. I am not lying to anyone. I am not guilt fucking or holding onto anyone. I do not have a hostage for my ego. my ego is moving out, taking it’s wolf skin with it

I can resist conversationalists that use memes and emojis to speak. I know what that is. I can see the utter lack of creativity and I know that only means they will hate the creativity in me, so while I can’t make anyone use words, I will honor the truth that I need conversation. I need communication, expressions of your perceptions. I like when your needs are explained to me. I am a people pleaser, and this is something I’m learning to be more exclusive about.

I’m up late tonight. I feel free. I do not want what I do not want. right now I do not want to focus on anything other than this alignment with purpose, educating myself, exhausting the flesh, hardening the will, softening the approach. and I do want to make love, as a co-creator of love. I will be available for you, when I meet you. I don’t have to chase that, I am available for it. just me, myself. at last.

art credit: METAL CORSET | SPIRALE FUTURISTE MUGLER: FALL/WINTER 1979–80