cirrus clouds

it has been a minute. I’ve been speaking through the heart to those that my heart can reach. those my heart knows. and even though I know better, I continue to love, even those that will not love me. somewhere my mind was changed. I cannot be God. and lets be honest, that was the first lie. so now I am at odds with the shift occurring.

I had a conversation with Texas. here’s the thing about those furs and teeth. we speak in heart tones. I have promised myself things in respect to speaking this way. Texas revealed things to me, and I am not so sure of my goodness or my righteousness. I am only sure of the home I miss. I have to admit it to myself.

I have tried over and over again to fit irregular people into my sense of regularity. I wanted to prove I could so I used that shoe horn, know that I know. I refuse to live this life without what I have fought myself into these knots to have.

some things are simple. and the truth is I am different. it is time to leave this place and find it out there in the vast plains of God’s country. I have forgiven those lies. Liars, I don’t know them at all. still now only my hearts lingers in that room, cause I loved them, even when they would not love me. but I do not know them at all.

there is nothing to be found in the knowing only the discovering, the finding and the peeling. I shudder when my peel falls around my feet, it is not a chill, it is the first lie whispered in my feminine side. whispered in my starboard side.

art credit: Pink building with sign in Marfa, Texas, USA. Tom Windeknecht