Heart food

It happens just like that time and time again. We come to You as broken glass. We come to You unwanted and judged. We come to You eyes lowered, rejected by those that wouldn’t have You, those that wouldn’t have us. We come to You and You always show up.

My friend is going to get her kid in 2 days. The first time we talked I thought I had an answer, but I didn’t Lord. We rushed about and I tried to tear my shirt off revealing that S, revealing my flawed way of reacting to situations I can’t control or effect. I did this, but before we hung up and said goodnight, I remembered that the only Power that exists is You.

You spoke in words hardly audible. You spoke with a subtle breeze as I broken by my own action, stood outside under the palm with the green light. I remember standing there knowing I should listen Lord, straining my ears to hear You, standing there, eyes glued to the sky. That’s when I noticed that breeze. It was blowing the palms and alerting me to it’s existence, the existence of You there in the yard, blowing Your presence over me. It was there Lord, that I realized, the subtle and gorgeous breeze was blowing the palm but I, I could not feel it. The breeze was above me. I would not know when You entered but I should know that You’d never leave.

I told her we should wait. I told her Lord, that we should listen and the next time we talked she had spoke with her daughter’s father for 4 hours Lord. We spoke about the sharpening and enabling of those that spend time with You. We spoke about how our corrupt rebel hearts would lead us in directions unguided, and I asked her Lord, I asked her then if she was with You. She said she didn’t know. You were there when I began to spread Your message, You are there when she finally broke her silence and said, I am with Him. I said my hallelujah and we decided to listen some more. That’s when Your Spirit moved my intention and I was forced to admit to her, that I, couldn’t help her. It was this honestly I feared still, I tell her about the ways I lie and she doesn’t run, she doesn’t judge, because I also tell her about Grace and faith and You Lord. I tell her how You have transformed my life and made me whole, building up parts of me that simply didn’t exist a few weeks ago. I tell her about rebound and we pray. I pray for all your sheep. We pray Lord.

Yesterday I heard nothing, but You have already driven the arrogance and discontent, the disease from my heart. It is in You my sins are cleansed each and every day, every night, every moment that I slide into the wickedness of my mind, it is You that send those that may release me.

I didn’t hear from her today until very late when she called to tell me the news. In a few days time she has changed from unwilling to willing and now this miracle. Like that breeze. You were with Her and when she accepted You, You gave her that one thing she felt she couldn’t have. Your miracles and blessings are many and its probably true that so few of us ever know You’ve stepped in and changed the outcome.

I am so thankful Lord, to have witnessed this blessing.

Lord, I know now that everything that I have endured was food for my heart to get me to this place. I love people and I didn’t know I would welcome them without wanting anything from them. You blessed me with this thing that I won’t define. You taught me a couple weeks time that it is You and not anything else that saves. You enable the called. You enable the weak and those that sit in your lap. These blessing Lord thank you. Thank you becaue I can now share the love you provide. I can Love unconditionally, without expectation. I am not in the way. I am your servant so please Lord send me. Thank You for helping her. Thank You for taking hope and replacing it with faith thank You to the conviction. The truth in my heart. The food for my being. Thank You for the sight and the strength. It is You Lord. It has always been You.