Good morning (face to face)
There are those that seem to have a gift for saying the right things at precisely the right moment they need to be said. There are others that say nothing and the weight of their silence is a brutal sledgehammer to our senses.
When in prayer, when listening in dialogue with God, we sometimes are awakened by the flash of truth that hits our hearts and other times we hear and feel nothing. He has said yes, or no, or not now. The silence can be unbearable. The silence is merely a call to sit still, to settle vibration and perhaps ask the real question were seeking answers for.
We are all connected and as children of God we are brothers and sister that become husbands and wives. In Christ we are all the same but our attachments and ego can serve to separate us.
There is a story about a family of prophets that quarreled. There was envy and comparison. God intervened then and He will do the same for you. Moses and Aaron and Miriam were leaders of the Isrealites and while in the wilderness they found themselves comparing themselves to each other. Miriam to Moses' wife and Aaron to Moses. The conflict could have spelled disaster for the exodus, but God stepped in.
Forgiveness is a giant part of our mission here. We have all been distant from God, distant from each other. No matter your world view disconnect is a lonely place to be. It’s ok to forgive and not trust. It is not ok to lack the ability to relate,or lack empathy and turn away from the terror of resentment. Find your partnership in the conflict and you will see that we are common in sin, common in the flesh.
No one is perfect. It is a matter of pride that some think things will be perfect. The question that woke me up so very early today is a question of love. “But don’t I love them Lord?”
The difference between a prophet and Moses is clear. God spoke to Moses face to face. I can’t think that God speaks to me this way, however, when I seek Him, He appears. I have to accept this with an incredibly open and humble heart. The more I seek Him the clearer the message.
Yes I love them. But what does that mean. Any adulterous relationship is trouble. It flies in the face of the Law. It provides the direct line to disconnect. I have felt this. The line is restored when I turn away from the selfish desires of my heart, the twisted wants of my mind(2 Timothy 2:22 NIV).
Love has a different meaning for me today. I knew inherently I had to give Love to know it, but the quality I was giving was based in my experience as a child. I was taught that those that should love you don’t always, and honestly confronting this is a matter of incredible liberation. This is a heart muscle memory. Through the Grace this matter is dissolved in me. So I can Love them. All of them. The way God Loves all of us. My heart is connecting to a new way of seeing, and giving. It is in the giving and the quality of what we give that the Light is represented. This is where God is respresented.
I awoke to a feeling of fear. I found myself alone but it didn’t last long. I curled under your embrace and that smile crept from my face and I knew I am home. This is home. I’ve been crying over loss, loss of things that never belonged to me. The things You gave me I threw away, the things You made, I made filthy by touching them. Forgive me Father and I will stay human and fallible but redeemed in Your eyes Lord. Redeemed.
I beg you Father to search my heart and pull from it the memories I cling to. The excuses I make for the behaviors I have continued. The wickedness has no draw. You made me so beautiful Lord, thank You. This day marks a new opportunity to be more honest, more dedicated, more Alive in the Spirit You sent to amend our Sin nature. You have transformed millions and You will transform millions more. I have read the text, I will answer with that loud resounding yes. I am Yours and there is no teacher greater, than You Lord, than those You send. You have made conduits of many and You send them. I receive all of this Lord, as a servant. So send me Lord, send me. Use me Lord. I am Yours.
Release him from trials that may send him to the belly of incarceration. Release her from her anger today, help her see that peace is present Lord. Help her son, release him from the bondage of addiction, the bondage of self driven destruction Lord, send me Lord. Release her from the bondage of the flesh and give her the knowledge of Your Love so she can be the woman You intended Lord. It will be done Lord. I pray all in this is Jesus, name.