for years

I have learned over 50 recipes in the last 3 months. The work is calming, even now after the hundred or so, street crossings I have experienced this last year. I can clearly see that I can make a mess. I can also build beautiful tacos and beet salads. I am learning to live with the cuts and the burns. The standing and the stirring, the sauce and marinade creation, I can live with it, I don’t take it too personal but it is changing me. Running away to the ocean and the mess I made before I drove west is a part of the big picture, still very small in the overall picture. I was pretty good to myself for a while, I’ve been able for years.

Digging holes and shoveling the dirt in as quickly as you dig it out is the rat race defined. Everyone experiences some sort of pressure. Chasing the bill money, chasing the mortgage, just another person’s global north problem. I need to balance the chase with some sort of comfort. I guess one can become a denier of gravity when the walls begin to crumble around them, and still I chase and the motivation to do something other than overthink my marital status is growing. it’s like starting with butter, moving through the herbs and the sweating of root vegetables, the motivation is fully self aware and thankfully forgiving. it takes a bit but I’ve been able to stand and walk for years.

it’s going to take more effort to relax into the challenges and opportunity still here…