diver one

It is true that I am happiest when I can apply what I have learned. It is also true that I have been in a position of reversal for months. I haven’t been to keen to discuss it. I can only choose to believe that with each day, things are improving. It takes days sometimes, to feel as if. I’ve been waiting to feel as if. All the while watching this grass grow.

I remember the character and some of the face. These feelings aren’t as exacting, not with my face pressed up against the pane. Not here with the growing loneliness. Not here in the collection of sawdust, the collection of cut outs. Let me ask you, did we hold each other? Was it only the love we made, or the love we gave? It’s seven months since I last saw your face and longer since we agreed to be. I miss the agreement. But this isn’t any ordinary chalk line. I have gratitude for your summer dream and summer time walks.

What can be said of the street noise in this dead end street? What can be said of the ways I drove myself to the edge of me.. diving off my cliffs, deepening my despair? We were beautiful builders. We are beautiful despite the holes. despite the thorns. We are beautiful.

art credit: Marlene Dumas — James Baldwin (from the series Great Men) (2014)