an actual soul

After I’ve cleaned the counters, watered the plants and put the groceries away, I do want a little bit of the life I imagined for myself. I communicate differently when I know I’ve done my best. My best is a series of self care items that prove life in a time of uncertainty. It’s like an addiction like sweeping olive needles from the pebbles, pulling maple leaves from the stones. Sometimes it’s twisting a paper towel to clean the straw in my water bottle. Simple things that require zero mind.

Hormones and smells require us yo crawl into bed with the familiar and the unfamiliar. Affection feels like crying into freshly washed hair. Wellness is the feeling that you’ve come home with hot food and the movie is just beginning. Peace is not joy as much as it is the easy sound of a house settling. Peace is what wellness is, and this is the global north. Wellness is sold as real. It most commonly resides in the independent movie makers mind. Divergent synapses lined with the obscure thing expressed on camera. Me the we, is an obscure thing.

I bought a massage table. I bought it from a soul. An actual soul. The soul upgraded is a place I am sure to go.

The chip on my shoulder fell off. chip I’ve carried like a bag of rocks, clutching that bag tightly to my chest. A chip is heavier than books borrowed and never read or returned.