A person….a place

I think, but while I think the doors slam shut, the wheels run stuck , the evening light is like dishwater running warm to cold in my hands.. they will say this is the disease speaking.

I open the application and I dive into those words, wishing and praying, praying and denying. my vibration finally diminished to a flame low on fuel. nobody is watching and I’m pissing in the kitchen sink. I have become what I refused to abide. what is to become of me, all those others now they have found and they are flourishing and like the promise from a season ago, I may die alone. but so what, this is not a safe call, we all die alone … do not pull that curtain sweet savior.. do not.

I told myself when I started all this that I wouldn’t really begin until I had the ending written. I said who would read the spiral without a landing. vertigo and sickness, who would dance with me a hundred pounds heavier or lighter as it is. I picture that love, and I know maybe my kisses bring flood, maybe I am losing control, I am my own demon stake and my heart is running the basin, have you seen the fire that consumes the just, it is called life.. the fire is called today, and sometimes but never yesterday as it is the steam that brings the worst of skin removing sear.