You know even in the complete joy and connection it is possible to grieve the truth about our child like losses. Even in this house I can still see the road I walked down toward warmth only to be told be told “ you saw me standing there”. The reality about trauma and betrayal matters. I wonder where you first learned to look away. Especially when I am staring so intently and steady.
Perfect. That word is not just a sea foam colored waiting room .. no I am aware of your examination. Authority and trust. Concepts all my life I feared and stood arrogantly against. So your heart is safe cause I’m holding my hands and listening to the trickle of your words. Even when you threaten to kill, even when I’m bathed in crouch and wait. Faith isn’t only fuel for a slingshot. It isn’t the beheading of an enemy and it is not simply a title for the anointed. You have opened me and now health is common and actual. The actuality of faith provides the voice for health.
You are sleeping and you say there are no dreams. You are pressed against me and you say there is no doorway to it. And then you say you love me and we cannot separate the sun from the sunbeam but we can in fact separate the sunbeam from the whole of the Sun. So you say it for me and you bite down into me .. and we are of the same substance and I don’t have to worry about you. I can care about you. And I don’t have to stand behind you.. I can stand beside you.. and why not say it is you when I say it is me? The same sand and wood, the same torn from the womb howling, shattering the force of our skin in the streets. The force of your hand on my chest. And your mouth lovingly stretching my mind to conclusions.. five whole steps ahead .. and the winter remains warm .
“if I could hold all my wants in the palms of my hands, my life would never be fulfilled without, the warmth of your soul, and love couldn’t last around me” — saturated — -Jeremy Tuell
art credit : Heir / A Present of God — Tawny Chatmon
